1.13 Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards
Gabrielle is tempted by a cute boy to enter a storytelling contest in the hopes of fulfilling her dream to attend Bard School. There are hijinks.

Oooh AND we find out how Xena and Gabrielle have been surviving. Xena might not sully herself with money, but Gabrielle earns a few dinars storytelling in a tavern.

Basically this is a clip show, but right from the beginning, the Xena production team (and later, Hercules) embraced the challenges of a clip show, making them more batty and ingenious each time, and I swear spending more money on them than any other episode. This one doesn’t quite reach those heights, but it uses clips from Steve Rees Hercules movies and Kirk Douglas in Spartacus (yes, Spartacus) to illustrate the stories that the boys tell, indispersed with Gabrielle’s own illustrated stories of her life with Xena, and is lightweight but enjoyable. The script cleverly uses bits and pieces from the Hercules episodes that introduced Xena’s character as well. Ultimately though, it’s a clip show, and nowhere near the brilliance that was to come only a season later to justify the format. But let’s move on, shall we…

This was the episode that so horrified me with its cavalier use of history (Spartacus being featured in an ep straight after one with the Trojan War, REALLY?) that my brain exploded a little, and I officially gave up on trying to like the show for quite a while – until some time later when I caught a bunch of episodes screening during the day, and got properly hooked.

The only way you can enjoy Xena trooly is to fully embrace the concept of “anything BC is good.” If you can’t, you may as well give up now.

1.14 – A Fistful of Dinars
This one is a pretty basic action adventure story, notable for another of Xena’s ex boyfriends turning up and getting killed horribly. I’m starting to suspect that the Gabrielle dead boyfriend thing is something of a myth to disguise the fact that Xena is the one who curses her men. Gabrielle at least has a better hit rate! The tacked-on backstory about yet another past romance is not overly credible, especially in light of the more interesting backstories provided for Xena from next season onwards.

1.15 – Warrior… Princess
This is probably one of my most-watched episodes of season one! The premise is cracktacular – Xena is called in to protect a princess who happens to look exactly like her, and hijinks ensue. These doppelganger episodes were to become an annual (at least) tradition and there’s a reason they kept going back to the well. Xena is already such an iconic figure that there’s comedy gold to be mined from her being pushed outside her comfort zone, and anyone else having to impersonate her. Lucy Lawless is also a gifted comedienne and evidently relishes a chance to do something a bit different.

Princess Diana is a great character – spoiled and good-hearted and completely in love with the wrong person. It’s to Lawless’s credit that we can tell which person is on screen at any moment – whether it’s Xena, Diana, Xena-pretending-to-be-Diana or Diana-pretending-to-be-Xena. While Xena in a posh dress and curtseying badly is mildly amusing, it’s good that the script didn’t waste too much time making her look silly or incompetent. The best moments are when she is fighting off assassins while attempting to preserve a “demure” demeanour. I also love it when the ambassador catches her out by that old chestnut of tossing an orange at her – it’s not catching it with the wrong hand that reveals she’s not the princess, but the fact that she catches it at all! Diana would duck and scream.

Meanwhile, Diana utterly upstages Xena with her attempts to impersonate the warrior princess – from the pink bows on her armour (I just thought it needed some colour!) to running like a GIRL and sobbing helplessly, hiding in bushes, running away, etc. It’s lovely to see Gabrielle playing the experienced one, partnered with a total naif, and just goes to show how far she’s come in this season so far.

As far as the Xena economy goes, we have further evidence: Xena hunts furry animals for them to eat. When there are no furry animals, they eat cheese. Big, gnawable cheese. Obviously they are on Atkins. I also rather enjoy the part where Gabrielle creates their bed for the night (sacks on the ground) to Diana’s horror, and comfortably lays her head on a STONE STEP at the foot of a temple. Really, Gabrielle. A stone step for a pillow. You’re just screwing with the new girl, aren’t you.

1.16 – Mortal Beloved
There has been a revolution in the Underworld and Xena’s dead lover Marcus summons her to sort it out. Yes, this is now the third ‘god needs Xena to rescue him from a pesky mortal’ storyline. You’d think they’d be nicer to her later, considering how often she saves their butts. Hades is, as before, played by that bloke who snogged Georgie Parker a lot in All Saints. This is notable because later, he will be played by Max from Neighbours.

Rather cool scene where Xena sees the bad guy leaning over Gabrielle, blood all over his mouth, and thinks he has savaged her, only for Gabrielle to come around a few moments later to say ‘did you see how I broke his nose? Blood all over his face.” Gabrielle has become so awesome, so quickly.

Also, Marcus takes his shirt off a lot. And I love how Xena can only commit to a bloke once he’s dead. It says a lot about her. The whole eternal romance angle is rather spoiled, though by knowing that Marcus won’t figure in the series again, and that Xena is pretty much going to forget him. Did I say forever? I meant this season.

CHAKRAM STATISTICS:
Boys who want romance with Xena: 5
Boys Xena allows to romance her: 2
Xena dead boyfriends: 2
Gabrielle dead boyfriends: 1/6
“Adorable” children: 19
Babies: 3
Babies tossed humorously in the air during fight scenes: 2 (yes okay it’s the same scene repeated, I’m counting it!)
Xena sings at a funeral: 1
Xena doppelgangers: 1
Characters brought back from the dead (including ghosts and visits to the Underworld): 7
Xena or Gabrielle earns money: 1
Xena or Gabrielle spends money: 2
Out of the Pantheon: Morpheus, Ares, Hera, the Titans, Hades, Celesta, Charon
The Celebrity Red Carpet of the Ancient World: Pandora, Prometheus, Hercules, Iolaus, Sisyphus, Helen of Troy, Paris, Deiphobus, Menelaus, Euripides, Homer

Previous Xena Rewatch Posts:
Warlord is a Lady Tonight
I Don’t Work For Money
Amazon Wanna Take A Ride?

Tags: watching, xena, xena rewatch