Ladylike is a Sometimes Food
March 14th, 2010 at 22:09One of the nice things about my work-free (ha) month is the taking of weekends. Now, I’ve always been pretty bad about weekends. Between my various years of studenting, writing, etc. I have come to view weekends as that time when you get things done. Once I became a Mum, it was ‘the time when the other parent is here, so you can get things done.’ It means I’ve ended up with a screwed up kind of sensibility where all time is potential work time…
Last year, I got into a great routine where I discovered that 20,000 words a month is my optimum novel writing pace, and that it allows me weekends. Actual time when I can not achieve things, without guilt! As opposed to failing to do all the things I thought I could do in that “free time” and starting the week out feeling behind and stressed.
Freelancers! Factoring in time off is kind of important!
Of course when things have to be done at a more frenetic pace, like my editing early this year, weekends go out the window… which is fine, as long as it doesn’t last. I am actually learning from my errors!
So this weekend – well, yesterday there was a lot of lying around complaining that I didn’t get a sleep in (another weekend tradition – complaining, that is. Before I had children I used to get sleep ins) and in the afternoon the whole family packed up in the car and went off to a lovely little French cafe I’d never heard of to celebrate M’s birthday. I had made her a handbag which I have entirely failed to photograph (will try to nab her to get a snap this week – it’s so pretty!) and a group of us sat around eating tiny french cakes, drinking highly chocolatey hot chocolates, and passing the baby around on various laps. Raeli got to practice ‘being a lady.’
As a sidenote, I am trying to deal with my hangups about gender stereotypes that whack me between the eyes everytime I caution her to act ‘like a lady.’ Because, you know, it has whole different connotations to when you caution a boy to mind his manners, and I don’t want her to think she has to be some prissy little damsel in white gloves (which, given her druthers, she might actually turn into, heaven help us all). I settled this time for telling her that she didn’t have to be ladylike all the time, but it was a good thing to do in cafes. Possibly I need to work on that one.
Today, I spent the morning on more grumbling at the lack of sleep-ins (though I got to 9:30 which is pretty much a luxury around here) and then went off for a walk at the beach with ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
looneymoth and C – well not so much beach, as cliff and bush. It was a bit alarming three quarters of the way up the steep steps when my brain and body rebelled a bit, but I rallied and we got some good view-ahhhing done.
Then I whisked past home to pick up the kids & went out to godiyeva‘s Thermomix party – they had to have one in order to purchase the magnificent beast, which meant we got to listen to the Thermomix propaganda (pretty much convincing – GJ you so need one of these!) and to sample many of the delicious dishes it can make. We had citrus sorbet, herb and garlic dip, coleslaw, mushroom risotto, fresh bread rolls and lemon custard. YUM. Also the children played nicely except when being terrorised by Felix and his mighty cardboard tube, and the baby took a nap. Nice day!
I’ve also been plotting out my next two years of writing, and trying to figure out just how long it would take me to write 3 Nancy Napoleon novels, factoring in things like school holidays, editing and proofing other books, etc. I think 9 months per book would be optimal. I have titles for them, and I’ll be applying for grants this year, just in case.
While all this has been going on, my honey has spent the weekend wrangling with Telstra about our extreme lack of bandwidth. Not happy, Telstra! We were supposed to have our speedy connection back by midnight last night, in time to record a Galactic Suburbia promo with A&A, but thanks to extreme Telstrafail, it couldn’t happen. Wahh.
Though one good bit of computery news is that I finally discovered why my blog, which I have been writing since late October, has not been showing up in Google, to our ongoing frustration. Apparently WordPress has these things called privacy settings… I KNOW. Came as a surprise to me. The good news is that if you google my name, once you get past those silly herbal wiki pages, and my Twitter, and the wiki page about me, and a couple of other things, my webpage actually shows up on the front page!
Tags: being active, blogging, computery stuff, family, galactic suburbia, jem, nancynapoleon, podcasting, raeli, weekending, writing
March 14th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
[...] by a girl who was doing her PhD in Classics at the same time as I was doing mine in History, about weekends. The bit that resonated with me is when she noted that, “Between my various years of [...]
March 14th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
Okay…. which french cafe in Hobart (you can FB message me that if this is a non-commercial forum….) AND do you really tell Raeli to “act like a lady????”
I seriously can’t imagine ever saying that to Celeste….. But on the other hand we do ram manners down Monty throats – not cap doffing or kerchief wearing but pleases and thank yous and pardon mes and sorrys. He is always begged to do kissing eating (with his mouth shut) and not Laundromat eating. And to be honest I’m hoping this will be the same sort of thing we’ll push Celeste to do.
What does acting like a lady entail? Handkerchief dropping?? Swooning?? Charity function appearances?? Dog shows?? Breaking champagne bottles on ships?? — I think this a new area of daughter-possessing that I’ll have to think through more closely. I don’t think I was ever told to act like a lady. But then I must have been because where else would I have learned enough to be severely shocked to see a Swedish girl sitting with her legs wide open in class in college, and discovering that German girls don’t shave their legs or arm pits (which is not shocking now but back then….)
March 14th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
It’s called Jean-Pascals, on Carlton St. Gorgeous tiny cafe, and there’s a shop opposite where they sell chocolates and their pastries, etc.
I do say it to her! I don’t know where it comes from, it just comes out of my mouth! It’s not just the gender issue – ie telling girls to behave prettily – it has class issues too and I just… yeah. I need to find alternatives to get her to have manners in public. The act like a lady thing just makes me feel icky all over.
March 18th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Ohhhh Tansy, Jean-Pascal is old news….. if you live out this way…. If you are keen to a-JP going anytime on Mondays or Fridays let me know….
Anyway… I’ve been pondering all of this, you aren’t that kind of a mother, you are very mindfully raising some wonderful girls, so how does “Act like a lady?” sneak into your lexicon? I blame the genre. Love the genre to pieces, but I think it’s to blame.
May seem a bit harsh, but let’s face it, the trope of the rebellious young woman fighting against a disapproving mother/nanny figure is such a staple, that the phrase has snuck into your parenting arsenal (threw that word in as a little pat on the back moment). In most cases this trope is a good one, encouraging young girls to break free, find themselves and be true to who they want to be. If, that is, you are identifying with the young female characters.
What you need here is a new phrase that does the same thing but doesn’t make you feel icky. For me “The silly rats are chewing your tale” or “Stop letting the silly rats nibble you” or “Keep your wig on” are ways I’ve exorcised “Stop being silly” which was a phrase that troubled me. If “Act like a lady” slips out naturally, maybe it would be best to start with “Act like a ~” (although that phrase too has a bad pedigree with “Act like a grown up” another one that makes my skin crawl. ….
Now that I think about it, I guess we really need a new genre – Mothering fantasy. Role models for mothers in spec fic and fantasy… ??? Is there anything other than the fat overpowering marrying off mothers, or the simpering skinny mothers??? I do suspect the fourth in the Sentients of Orion may start out in that vein if the cliff hanger ending turns out well…..
March 18th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Mel: thank you for this!
Yes the one that often troubles me is when Raeli is being a – well, complete hoyden
I’ll often tell her off for being too loud or running in the house or just, you know, causing havoc, and part of me always goes – hang on, am I squashing her by pushing her into the female paradigm of being quiet and passive and not getting in anyone’s way?
On the other hand, I don’t want broken vases and sprained ankle and I kind of have a headache sometimes, and she can be so NOISY. I want her to grow up with MANNERS, not because she’s a girl, but because she’s a person.
You are so right about Mothering Fantasy. Ther isn’t enough of it. I should lend you Boneshaker! I think you’d like it a lot. I will put it in my car for next time we cross paths at daycare.
March 19th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Thanks for this thread – it has made me think more about things….
My son is a boy (most usually are) and I have to ask him to “settle down”, “calm down” or “take it outside” to protect vases (not that I have time to have flowers and vases). I do sometimes send him to run around the back yard saying I’ll time him…. Sometimes I do actually set the timer….. I find that works or in extreme situations I ask him to be a statue. That works well for instantaneous stops. The poor thing is also very used to walking around shops near “breakafull” (Montese for breakable) with his hands in his pockets.
Both girls and boys need to calm down and not break things – it’s not a gender issue.
I guess this is the flip side of “Act like a man/don’t be a girl” which is something my son will not be told in my earshot. I must admit, it has been tempting to say “Be a man” when he is starting to dissolve into tears…. I saved myself by saying “Pull it together, sweetie.” Once Nick said “Be a man” to him in this situation, and I rambled on about how sometimes – and for some people- it is braver to cry. Men cry and women cry, but women seem to find it easier to cry, and we cry for different reasons, blah blah blah. I don’t want him to be the kind of man who a) can’t cry at all or b) is completely sucked in by female tears in the event he meets one of those kinds of girls.
Hmmm Boneshaker – yes please!! Celeste is down there on Tues, Weds and Thurs. I have been informed that I have to pick Monty up first on Thursdays so I could perhaps drop in chez vous for a visit late one Thursday?? (Or could swap the collection order on the other days too).
A children’s crusade and the trials and tribulations of their carers??? That could be a bit of fun….
And again, you are a very mindful mother, and your girls will walk the gender divides in the most self assured, sassy and liberated manner. Understanding the differences and picking and choosing to suit themselves and their surroundings.
March 19th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Yes, a visit late on any Thursday would be lovely!